How to stop an elderly parent from sending money to a scammer

The intervention ladder

Think of this as a ladder. Start at the bottom. Move up only when the step below isn't enough. Each step up gives you more control and costs more trust, so it's worth trying the gentler steps first, as experts quoted by AARP advise.

1. Rung 1: Talk, with no blame

   Make it you and your parent against the criminal. Ask questions instead of lecturing. Our guide to talking about scams has scripts.

2. Rung 2: Agree on a pause rule

   "Before any payment over $[amount] to someone you haven't met, we talk first." Write it on a card by the phone.

3. Rung 3: Bring in the bank

   With your parent, ask about a trusted contact, alerts, and limits (details below).

4. Rung 4: Add outside voices

   Their doctor, faith leader, or financial adviser. AARP's experts note a respected outsider may get through when family can't.

5. Rung 5: Legal tools

   Financial power of attorney while your parent can still sign it. An elder law attorney can explain options in your state.

6. Rung 6: Adult Protective Services

   When money keeps going out despite everything, or memory problems are part of it. See below.

What to ask your parent's bank

Go together, or call together on speaker. Without legal authority, the bank will need your parent's OK. Options vary by bank, so ask about each one:

• Trusted contact. The CFPB describes this as a person the bank can contact if it suspects exploitation. It "cannot view the account or make any transactions," so it's a gentle first step your parent may accept.
• Alerts to you. Some banks can send you a copy of large-withdrawal or new-payee alerts. Ask what's available.
• Lower limits. Daily limits on transfers, Zelle, debit card, and ATM withdrawals.
• Turning off risky features. If your parent doesn't need Zelle, wires, or international transfers, ask whether they can be switched off.
• A note on the account. Ask staff to call your parent, and you as trusted contact, before large withdrawals in cash.
• A separate spending account. Keep a small balance in an everyday account, with savings in an account that's harder to move quickly.

A script for the bank talk with your parent

Cut off the scammer's channels

• Block the scammer's numbers, email, and social profiles together, with your parent's agreement.
• Turn on call silencing for unknown callers on their phone.
• Have them check messages and pop-ups before acting. OwlGuardian quarantines suspicious Gmail before your parent sees it and sends you, the Trusted Contact, a plain-English alert. It doesn't block calls or texts, but Call My Owl lets your parent screenshot a text or message and get a verdict in about five seconds.
• Change the phone number or email if the scammer keeps finding new ways in.

When to call Adult Protective Services

APS is a state program that looks into financial exploitation of older adults and adults with disabilities. The CFPB says to find your local office through NAPSA. Consider calling when:

• Your parent keeps sending money after being shown it's a scam.
• You're seeing memory loss or confusion along with the payments.
• Someone your parent knows is pushing them to send money.
• Your parent lives alone and nobody else is watching their finances.

Honest limits

An adult with capacity has the right to make bad choices with their money. You can't stop every payment without legal authority, and the most drastic tools, like guardianship or conservatorship, are slow and hard on relationships. Experts quoted by AARP call them a last resort. The goal is to make each payment slower and more visible, so there's time for someone to step in.

Questions people ask