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Online and social · Scam library

Romance scam: how to spot it and what to do

Arrives by: Dating sites, Social media, Text message, Messaging apps, Email

By Nora Hale, OwlGuardian Safety DeskPublished How we research

Is it a scam?

A romance scam is when someone builds an online relationship to win your trust, then asks for money. The person can never meet in person, often saying they're overseas, on an oil rig or in the military, and soon needs help with medical bills, travel, visas or legal trouble, or offers to teach you to invest in crypto. Never send money or gifts to someone you haven't met in person.

How the scam works.

  1. The scammer creates a fake profile on a dating site or social media, and reaches out.

  2. They chat often and warmly, and quickly ask to move to texting or a private messaging app.

  3. They always have a reason they can't meet: working abroad, on an oil rig, in the military, or with an international group.

  4. Once you trust them, an urgent need appears: medical bills, a plane ticket, a visa, legal trouble. Or they offer to teach you crypto investing.

  5. Each payment leads to another request.

Red flags to look for.

Illustrative example · Text message

David (moved from the dating site)

Good morning my love. I couldn't sleep thinking about you. Work on the rig is hard but your messages keep me going. I have bad news. My wallet and cards were stolen and the company won't pay me until my contract ends. I need $2,500 for the customs fee so I can finally fly home to you. I promise I will repay every cent. You are the only one I trust.
An example of the scam message, written to show the common pattern. It is not a real message.

Written from the patterns official sources describe. Phone numbers and web addresses in it are fake.

  1. Strong feelings very early from someone you've never met.

  2. They want to leave the dating site or app right away.

  3. They always have a reason they can't meet or video chat.

  4. They ask for money or gifts, for any reason.

  5. Their profile photos show up online under other names.

  6. They offer to help you invest in cryptocurrency.

$584 million

Source: FBI IC3, 2025 Internet Crime Report (PDF).

If you got this message.

  • Don't send money or gifts to anyone you haven't met in person.
  • Talk to someone you trust, like a friend or family member, and listen if they're worried.
  • Do a reverse image search of their profile photos, for example with Google Images. If the photos appear under other names, it's a scam.
  • Stop contact, and report the profile to the dating site or app.
  • Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.

If you already clicked, paid or shared information.

  1. Stop sending money, even if they promise it's the last time or that they'll pay you back.

  2. If you paid or moved money, call your bank or card company right away. Use the number on the back of your card or in the official app, not a number from the scammer.

  3. If you paid with gift cards, call the company named on the card right away, tell them it was a scam, and ask for your money back. Keep the cards and receipts.

  4. If you sent a wire, call the company and ask them to reverse it: Western Union 1-800-448-1492, MoneyGram 1-800-926-9400, Ria 1-877-443-1399.

  5. If you sent cryptocurrency, report it at ic3.gov with as many details as you can: dates, amounts, wallet addresses and the names they used.

  6. Report the profile to the platform, and report the scam to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. If you're 60 or older, the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 1-833-372-8311 can help you report it (weekdays, 10am to 6pm Eastern).

  7. Expect follow-up calls or messages offering to get your money back for a fee. Those are scams too. Real agencies never charge to help you get a refund.

  8. Be kind to yourself. Romance scammers are professionals who fool careful, intelligent people. The AARP Fraud Watch Helpline, 1-877-908-3360, has trained volunteers who can talk it through.

Money already sent? Start with the free C.A.L.M. recovery wizard or get step-by-step help. And watch out for anyone who offers to get it back for a fee.

Already sent money?

Call the bank now.

Use the number on the card. Then follow the steps.

Get help now

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More specific help

How OwlGuardian helps

Make the next scam bounce off.

OwlGuardian can't see dating apps or texts on its own. But you can screenshot any message or profile and say “Hey Siri, call my Owl” for a verdict in about five seconds, and your Trusted Contact gives you a calm second person to talk to before any money changes hands. Suspicious emails to Gmail are quarantined before you see them.

OwlGuardian quietly checks your parent's Gmail with AI, moves scam emails out of sight, and asks you before anything risky gets through. $4.99/month after a 30-day free trial.

Download OwlGuardian on the App StoreSee how it works

Questions people ask.

How can I tell if someone I met online is a romance scammer?
Watch for fast, intense feelings, a reason they can never meet, a push to leave the dating site, and any request for money or gifts. Reverse-search their photos. If the pictures appear under other names, it's a scam.
My mom is in a romance scam and won't believe me. What can I do?
Stay calm and avoid blame. Shame makes it harder to talk. Ask gentle questions, like whether they've ever video chatted, and do a reverse image search together. The AARP Fraud Watch Helpline (1-877-908-3360) can also talk with her.
Can I get my money back from a romance scammer?
Sometimes, if you act fast. Contact your bank, the gift card company, or the wire service right away and report the fraud. Be careful of anyone who offers to recover your money for a fee. That's another scam.
Why won't they ever meet in person or video chat?
Because they aren't who they say they are. Excuses like working overseas, on an oil rig, or in the military are common romance scam stories, according to the FTC.

Sources

The example above is illustrative, written from the patterns official sources describe. Phone numbers and web addresses in it are fake.

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